Working it out

37 weeks left
16 weeks completed
11 weeks left until mid-tour leave
5 pounds lost
20 pounds total
Exactly 14 months until the wedding

When I was eight or nine there used to be ads on tv for a line of Hasbro products called “Get in Shape, Girl!” It was a series of pastel pink and purple workout aides for little girls, to include such spectacular items as weighted workout bracelets, batons, hoops, and my personal favorite, the ribbons (like for rhythmic gymnastic-type routines.) All of these came with a workout cassette, workout poster, and the pièce de résistance, matching pompoms for your shoes!

I remember wanting these things so badly. Each Saturday morning, nestled somewhere between the Smurfs and Bugs Bunny the television ads would run, showing very pretty and *clearly* popular young girls (wearing eye shadow way too young, by the way) in all manner of leotard and legwarmer very happily working out together there in the school gym. I can still hear the jingle in my head. When I begged my mom for some Get In Shape, Girl gear, I remember her suggesting that maybe I just go take a walk outside or ride my bike to the park if I was so suddenly interested in high fitness. Clearly, she did not understand that Get in Shape, Girl came with ribbons and pompoms!!

I am not sure if this is the start of my near-obsession with infomercial purchasing of diet and exercise equipment, but I will admit here today that I do in fact have a problem in this department. I have, in my lifetime, owned the Tony Little Gazelle, the AB Circle PLUS!, the Slim in Six exercise videos, and…well, there’s so much more. I’ll save myself a *little* face by not naming them all, but I think those listed let you glimpse a fairly accurate picture of this particular neuroses.

I usually use these new-fangled machines for a small window of time and lose interest, much like I probably would have done with the ribbons and the pompoms (if truth be told.) And it usually isn’t that they are too hard or too cumbersome, it’s literally that I travel so much and work so much that I’ll get into a routine for a week or so, and then be out of town for a week or two, then home, then travel, then work late every night for a week and come home only to collapse into my bed. And the vicious cycle continues until it’s no longer a piece of exercise equipment, but rather this big thing in the middle of my living room collecting dust that I trip over in the middle of the night. And then into the closet it goes, remaining there until…well, let’s be honest, it doesn’t usually make its way back out of the closet once it goes in.

It’s not that I don’t like exercise. I actually really do. I always feel energized after. And just like all the exercise propaganda (um, ok exercise science actually) will tell you, it does relieve stress and make your body healthier and all that. I have had a gym membership for most of the last ten years, that I actually use consistently. I have also done yoga off and on for a long time, and I love the way I feel when I’m practicing on the regular (P.S. need to borrow some equipment? I have extra bands and bricks and straps and a nice 52” diameter exercise ball to sit on…and about ten DVDs.) Every morning I do my yoga stretches and a quick tour on the ol’ Ab Circle PLUS (I do not know what the plus is for.) And after that, I usually call it a day, feeling like I have done some movement, sweat a little bit, and made good on the promise to myself to exercise. (I dated a personal trainer for awhile. He’s laughing at this definition of “exercise.”)

Today though I was feeling especially lethargic, had been sitting inside watching TV and baking and doing all manner of unhealthy activity (granted, baking isn’t in-and-of-itself, unhealthy…the fact that I taste test at every stage in the process is a bit of an issue…) Anyway, it was such a gorgeous, sunny, perfect summer day outside, that I decided I would take a nice walk in the sunshine.

Make no mistake friends, I may be losing weight at a nice rate, but I am completely out of shape. This was highlighted for me today in my return to cardio. Now, I will give myself the following concessions: it was hotter than I thought and I didn’t bring water with me; the path that I walk is in direct sunlight the whole time; I haven’t done cardio in a long time and I was definitely going at a work-out walking pace, not a stroll; and the path I walk is pretty hilly with a couple steep inclines thrown in for good measure (right at the end of the three plus mile course, naturally.)

Let me tell you what. When I walked in the door this afternoon, I thought I might keel over. I was hot. I was dehydrated. I was sweaty and smelly and just generally gross. The 5k path that at my peek about 5 years ago I was walking in about 42 minutes (which is a nice clip for a hilly walk I might add) took me just over an hour. And I did not feel exhilarated after. I mostly wanted to die.

Suddenly, in my head, all I could see where those damn cute popular girls on the commercial urging me to “Get in Shape, Girl!” My first thought was “see, if mom had let me have the pompoms…” (ok, that was my second thought. My first thought had something to do with maiming the girls in the commercial…or at the least tying them up with their workout ribbons.) But then I had to laugh. Because the machines, the yoga, the special exercise tapes and infomercial highlight reel which is currently occupying 43% of my available storage…those I can handle. Speed walking is gonna be the death of me.

Perhaps I should have listened to my mom when I was little and just gone for a walk already.

And so, I have resolved today to go on more walks: Back on the cardio exercise routine. As I put my tired, achy, sore and defeated body back into bed this evening (with a small fist full of ibuprofen and a LARGE glass of water) I realize that the walking…the cardio…the serious sweat has gotta be a part of the routine. The diet alone isn’t going to get me into the shape I want to be in for the wedding. And especially since J told me yesterday that he was at his weight loss goal for this deployment (granted his was to lose 10-12 pounds) I have decided to step the exercise up a notch. And then maybe all the other stuff (the stress relief, the clearer head, the healthier body, the endorphin release that my crabby-ass needs right now) will come along too. And I need that as much as I need hot wedding photos.

So yeah. It is in fact time to Get in Shape, Girl. Mind, body and all the rest. This time though, pompoms are not included.