Bridesmaids: A disclaimer

34 weeks left
19 weeks completed
8 weeks left until mid-tour leave
0 pounds lost or gained (this is great news since last weekend I ate nothing but pasta and drank lots-o-wine at a weekend of wine tasting. This included indulging in a treat called the wine slushy…which is exactly what you think it is. I did however lose some inches this week because an old pair of jeans fits again. So, I consider that a plus. Yay!)
25 pounds total
14ish months until the wedding

I am blessed with having a large number of unbelievably good friends. Maybe it’s because I’m a talker who truly loves to become a part of people’s lives—hear their stories and share mine (anyone you ask will tell you that I am in fact an open book…and I never shut up.) Maybe it’s because I spend quite a bit of time trying very hard to keep up with the people I love—once you’re my close friend, I consider you my family, and I make it a priority to be involved with your life on a regular basis. Having lived lots of places with incredible people at each location, I have collected quite possibly the greatest cache of amazing personalities to fill my life. I consider myself absolutely blessed in this regard, and I love you all.

I have my small handful of friends from home, from high school, and from my time growing up. These are my oldest and my dearest. The ones that knew me before I was me…when I was still trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. I often wonder if we all met as adults if we would be friends at all. But in the time and place we existed, we were perfect. And that’s what I hold dear to me. Those friends I consider to be my forever friends, even though I see them far more rarely than I would like.

I have my girls from college- my ladies that came to me from different majors and times in my undergraduate career. We lived together. We grew together. We partied together. And the best part was that they weren’t in any of my classes. They were my totally biased girlfriends- not really knowing the others involved with my stories, and therefore deeming me always to be right. Unconditional support and breadbowl salads: Those girls got me through the hard times.

When I moved far away for my first job after college, I was blessed to have work-friends that became my best friends. But even more than that, I had my students who at the time were really only about 4 years younger than me. It’s been some of those students who, over the last ten years of my life, have developed into “grown up” friends. I helped them to grow and change, and by extension, they me. And any time you go through significant life experiences with someone, you get to carry that part along with you forever.

And then I moved to DC. And it was there that I met three women that become like my sisters… My urban family. I lived with one for two years (she has always been there for me unconditionally opening her home and heart and family.) I worked with one for two years (she seriously kept me sane at my job with her brilliance, her patience and her humor.) And one, believe it or not, I lived with AND worked with simultaneously (p.s. she and I are complete opposites in every way and we always marvel at the fact that we didn’t kill one another). From her, I gained the world’s most enthusiastic cheerleader and learned the importance of embracing our differences.

And finally, I moved here for grad school and ended up staying for this job. Here too I found an amazing group of friends. Some were in my classes—peers who were going through the same thing I was. Some were professors that shaped me, watched me grow, pushed me hard, and forced me to mature in ways I never thought possible. And now, some are my colleagues, people I work with and who support me in my current job and in my search for what’s next. And of course there is the handful of ladies (you know who you are), who are just here and awesome, and through mutual friends we have met and grown into girlfriends.

All of this is by way of saying that picking the bridesmaids for my wedding has so far been the biggest challenge of the planning process. I have been a bridesmaid or maid of honor in seven weddings. I have additionally sung in or read for 5 more. As J and I went to put together our wedding party, my first thought was: dear Lord, I am going to have to have 8 ladies stand up with me…and one guy.

But at the end of the day, I had to make a choice. And I gotta say, I have felt nothing but guilty about having to make this decision since I did it. There are so many I want to include…So many people I’ve been afraid to offend. I don’t want to hurt feelings. I don’t want to exclude. I don’t want to leave out. But I can’t have 9 attendants. I can’t even have 5 attendants. I can have three. And so I have chosen:

The woman who has been like my sister since we were born…essentially next door neighbors, sixteen days apart in age. I don’t even think about her as a friend, actually. She is my family. And as luck would have it (random ridiculous luck) she married someone with the same last name as J. We will, in fact, have the same last name—officially “sisters” after all these years. She has changed me in ways that I can’t even recount;

The woman who I met thirteen years ago…who has been my adult best friend, who shares my interests, my passions, my brain, and goodly portions of my heart. Through life, death, friendships, relationships, and births, she has *always* been the first person to call. Always. Unless she’s the first person physically on site with me, which is more often than not the case in both the best and most trying times in my life, and;

The woman who I met in grad school, who could read me like a book and who could talk me down from the crazy cliff. ..and always make me laugh. The woman going through the same stuff as me: crazy adult break-ups, adult relationship drama, writing a dissertation, losing sleep, feeling insane, and just making it through each day as best we could, together. She was the one I could call at 2 in the morning because I knew she was up too…and I knew she was feeling the same thing as me, probably at the same time. And most importantly, she was the one that convinced me that J and I were real, and good, and that even through my doubts, that all would be fine.

Those three ladies and their personalities are the ones I *need* with me on my wedding day: someone to read me like a book and anticipate what I need before I need it, without asking for it; someone who can keep me calm and focused, who knows my family and friends and all my quirks; and someone who can make me laugh and keep my grounded, who I’ll allow to take my phone away from me for the day, and field all calls without caring…who’ll talk me off the edge of the crazy cliff.

Someone asked me the other day if these three women were my best friends. This is the one time I hate the use of superlatives. I have lots of best friends, each from different times and places, and each of whom bring amazing and necessary personality traits to my life. These ladies are just the three that are standing up with me in matching dresses that day… the people who while waiting for the show to start, will keep me from losing my mind.

I want everyone to be involved. If you are invited to the wedding, that means I *want* you to be a part of the day-- wedding party or not. As for being involved in the day…be careful what you wish for friends. Odds are, I’m going to ask you to do something to help make the day special anyway: read something, sing something, guard a guest book, help seat friends, cut a cake. There are many parts to making a successful wedding. And it is my most sincere hope that people realize that bridesmaid is just one piece and that I love you all equally.