Inevitable

So, it was bound to happen. I knew it was coming eventually. The three things that happen every time I move (I move a lot. I’ve established a fairly predictable pattern for myself when it comes to the ol’ moving routine.) But even though I know these things will happen each and every time I make these life changing jumps, I’m never quite prepared for them when they actually do. They all sneak up on me like that it’s some new crazy thing I’ve never been through before. Like that maybe this time, the move will be different than the past 9 and these three inevitabilities won’t occur. (I feel a little like Charlie Brown, *swearing* that THIS time, Lucy won’t pull the football out from underneath him when he attempts the kick ...like that this time he won’t fall flat on his back.)

Today, I fell flat on my proverbial back. Just me and Charlie Brown, looking up at the sky, telling each other I told you so. Good grief.

Thing one: I am the world’s worst moving procrastinator (and by worst, I mean best). And somehow, I always seem to forget this until, um, about three days before the move when I wet my pants with worry and don’t sleep for three days. I can promise you that I will be packing boxes until 3 in the morning the day I actually move. Because this move is happening so quickly and because I am getting rid of so much stuff, I don’t think I really thought that packing procrastination could be possible this time.

But oh friends, let me tell you. It is, in fact, quite possible.

I have a house full of guests coming this weekend (yeah, let’s play Good Idea/ Bad Idea with that for a moment, shall we?) So you might ask, what did I do tonight, 7 days before I start to move all my Earthly belongings to a brand new apartment? Why, I baked cookies of course! Six dozen, made-from-my-mom’s-secret-recipe, delicious peanut butter cookies. What else could I have possibly been doing? (Yeah, it was about 10p.m. when I looked around my apartment this evening and was like… Crap. What am I thinking baking cookies?) And so, even for a pro like me, packing procrastination this time around is proving to be EPIC. (I wish there was a competition for NOT getting something done. Because I would *so* win that.)

Thing two: when going through a move it is absolutely essential for my body to “come down with something.” Yes, that’s right. A move is not a move for me unless I’m at least 30% incapacitated. And friends, boy, do I have the broken body trifecta for you! First, it’s fall allergy season here (as is indicated by the two-ton elephant balancing on my bridge-of-nose-eyebrow-region for the last week.) Stupid (gorgeous) deciduous trees and fluctuating weather patterns.

Second, I had the very very ever-so-small, ever so slight and probably nothing (so seriously family, don’t freak out PLEASE) twinge of a headache this morning. Not what my mother used to call a “real person headache,” but rather the monster cluster migraine headaches that I get every few years. And by cluster, I mean daily for about six weeks straight. Anyone who has ever had a migraine understands why this is a bad bad thing. Now, take that feeling and multiple it by about forty days in a row of blindness, throwing up, and needing to be confined to a quiet, dark, cold room (you know, right in the middle of me trying to move, get settled, and start a new job,) and well, that’s going to be pretty handy I’m thinking. I’m keeping fingers and toes crossed that it was nothing, which I truly believe it was. But it freaked me out a little. There aren’t words enough for how bad this would be.

And finally, in the “kick me while I’m down” category of the inevitable moving health issues, it seems that I have pulled my back (at what age do people start having back problems? I feel like I’m too young for Ben Gay…P.S. Stop it with the third grade humor.) Anyway, it was bad enough that there was a point today that I actually contemplated a doctor’s visit (and I hate the doctor.) But heat and ibuprofen seem to be slowly doing the trick, so hopefully that particular annoyance will soon pass also. So between sinuses, backaches, and the very small potential that I’m starting a migraine cycle, it was a banner health day. Maybe it’s good that I’m procrastinating the packing. With my luck I would drop an anvil on my toe. (Now you’re totally wondering if I own an anvil…and why.)

Perhaps it was moving inevitability number one (the realization of the procrastination and woeful neglect of packing) coupled with inevitability number two (the general feeling of personal health ugh and the sincere fear of it soon being headache season) that brought on moving inevitability number three.

Moving inevitability number three is when you realize that as excited as you are for your “what’s next” that there are parts of where you currently are that you are genuinely going to miss terribly. I sat on the couch this evening thinking back over my time here (the cookies had to cool enough to ice, obviously. I know that seems like I was doing nothing this evening instead of packing…)

I thought about the friends I’ve made, and sadly the friends that I’ve lost; The friends that have already moved on, and the people that I will leave behind. No matter how I justify or rationalize what’s next (and we all know that what’s next is incredible and good and absolutely the right thing for me and for J), there are things and people that will be very very hard for me to leave.

And it was tonight that it hit me-- that leaving is really soon.

And so I had my first (actually there’s usually only one of these, at least until official goodbyes start) good moving cry. I cried for the people I love; for the people I miss; for the people I will miss. I cried for the relationships that I am sure will fade over distance, and the ones that I most sincerely hope do not.

It’s the people who make moves hard. It’s relationships that make a place home.

It’s funny, I often see life best reflected for me in the eyes of my students. And this week has been good in that respect because I have forced all my students to have one last appointment with me before I leave (so I have basically seen all of them.) All the conversations go a little like this: Hey I’m glad to see you! I’m really excited you’ve got this great new opportunity somewhere else. Holy crap I can’t believe you’re leaving me. What am I going to do? Eh, it will probably be fine and I’m happier for you than sad for me. But this still kinda sucks. And also, I hope we can still be in touch.

When it comes to moving, I think this is the inevitable cycle with me, too. And yesterday, I got stuck in “Holy crap, I can’t believe you’re leaving me. What am I going to do?” phase. But just like my students can recognize, I too am much happier than sad, and it IS going to be fine. But it does still kinda suck. Just a little bit. And like I told my students, *of course*, I can still be in touch when I leave. Because as those who know me best can attest to, cultivating long distance relationships with those I love is the greatest inevitability of all.