Peaceful Easy Feeling

32 weeks down
21 weeks left
Still not talking about the diet. It was a football tailgating weekend. And Halloween.(Curse you bite-sized candy that you eat so much of it no longer constitutes bite-sized anything.) As soon as I settle into the new place, buy good groceries, and start back at the gym, we shall resume this countdown. Promise.
10 months until the wedding

I had a rather sordid love affair in high school with the entire songbook of the Eagles. To say that I was obsessed with their music is a bit of an understatement. I lived and breathed the Eagles. It was all day long for me. I owned the sheet music to (and could play upon request) every song ever produced by the Eagles. My best friend at the time (and my not-so-secret love) and I would listen for hours on end; liken our lives and loves to the words of these great poets. (In a less philosophical moment, at one point I believe we also videotaped ourselves singing “Lyin’ Eyes” using sock puppets. Yup. That happened.)

We definitely paid what at the time was an astronomical fee to see them live in concert on their Hell Freezes Over Tour, which was a night I will never, ever, forget. I remember being soo overwhelmed by the power of the music and the experience and the emotion that it felt like the whole world stopped for just a minute. And even though I was desperately in love (like, teen-aged, throw yourself in front of a bus love) with the man standing next to me, there was a moment that I don’t even remember him being there with me. It was just me and the wall of sound coming from the stage simultaneously rendering me weak-kneed, and yet serving as the only thing holding me upright.

At any rate, as I often write about how song lyrics basically drift in and out of my head all day long, it is safe to say that the Eagles songbook is high on the list of sources for these random words that come to me at completely arbitrary times and in the most curious of situations.

If we were ranking the song-writing prowess or lyrical genius of the Eagles, I gotta be honest and say that “Peaceful Easy Feeling” is not really at the top of the list. Even so, the lyrics have always painted an interesting picture in my mind’s eye. And of all the song titles of the Eagles, “Peaceful Easy Feeling” is by far the easiest lyric to fit into daily conversation or use to convey a general state of being (easier than “Desperado” or “Take it to the Limit”; way easier than “Witchy Women.”)

When J went Over There for the first time about four or so years ago, there was a group of us friends of his back here that pretty regularly liked to send him stuff in the mail. We knew that he was going to be there over the holidays and so took it upon ourselves to make him a Christmastime care package. We had stuffed it full of tasty food and tasteless t-shirts and decided that it needed one last, more personal touch. We had no idea what that was.

As it happened, we friends had gotten together for a small holiday get-together with the two professors of our program with whom we were all quite close. And long about, oh, midnight (and six or seven bottles of like, amazing 90 point Cab) we decided to get out the ol’ guitar and have a sing along (By the way, if ever presented with a choice in this moment remember that the sing along is *always* a good idea. Always.)

We sang and laughed and played and were generally enjoying ourselves like we so often did. And then the guitar maestro pulled out an Eagles songbook. “I don’t suppose any of you young-ins know anything by the Eagles.”

I practically fell out of my chair. Did I know the Eagles? Why yes, yes I did.

After stumbling through several songs, we got to “Peaceful Easy Feeling.” Our dear friend the prof sang lead and played. I sang along with, inserting the stereotypical Eagles harmonies in all the right places. After we had finished, one of our friends made the call.

“Um, that’s what we need to send to J. That right there. No Christmas carols. No handwritten cards. We record that and send it to him. Listen to the words. They’re perfect.”

And so we did.

And of course to this day, it is one of about half-dozen songs that has become inextricably tied to J for me. I can’t hear it without thinking of him and thinking of him being Over There. And hoping that whenever he hears it, no matter when, that he has a peaceful easy feeling in his heart.

I had an amazing time this weekend. I laughed. I ate ridiculous food. I watched incredible football with some of my favorite people in the world (my friends from that recording night, actually.) I forgot what it was like to belly laugh so hard that you have to stop talking; walking; breathing. And throughout the weekend when J and I communicated, he seemed better than in days past; more settled; more productive. Peaceful. And as we talked about the future and what’s next and where we’ll be and where we’ll be headed, I just had this moment of absolute resolve (still my favorite word.) This is our future. It’s going to be soo soo good.

My plan was to relax on the couch all day after my guests left, but instead I decided I needed to start the packing process a little more. And I got so much accomplished. It was amazing. I felt like I was truly knocking things off the list and being productive. All day long, I just kept repeating to myself, “I can do this. This is gonna get done. This is really happening.” And I actually believed it.

And then, the piece de resistance, as I was digging into the wee small corners of my enormous closet, I finally laid hands on my prized possession which I had most certainly thought I had lost forever. I held it in my hands, trembling a little, and had about a five minute sob of sheer and utter relief. Everything was accounted for. All is as it should be. I could finally leave town with a completely clear conscious.

As I got ready to retire for the evening, I found myself singing “Peaceful Easy Feeling.” When I realized I was doing it, I sorta stopped short. Had I heard that on a commercial or something? Did J mention it earlier?

But what I realized was that I was singing it because at that moment, in my heart and in my head, those were the words to most accurately describe what I was feeling. Last week’s concern about bad health was gone (almost over cold; back is now fine; and not even a headache twinge since that one day.) The packing procrastination was over- I’m about 65% done now. And everything that is leaving the house before me (donations and recycling, etc.) is out. And to complete it, I’ve found my lost possession. Things are finally evening out. This is gonna happen and I’m going to do it.

Even though I know that the next two weeks of packing and travel and moving and starting a new job and saying goodbye to all the people here is going to be truly intense, yesterday was the very first time in all of this process that I felt truly at ease about it. Deep breath. Annnnnnd exhale. I’m happy to say that in my heart, all is indeed peaceful. And that my friends, shall make this so much easier.

Eagles sing Peaceful Easy Feeling