Routines

I didn’t sleep worth a damn last night.

Tossed and turned. I was imagining where J might be. What he was doing. If he had landed yet. If he was going to be able to find a phone to convey his safe arrival.

I woke up from this restless sleep with my hand on the telephone. Not sure why- Just “in case” I guess. I’m thinking that might happen on occasion for a little bit. I think it will likely become a part of my new routine.

J called me today. Radio silence ended. Thank God. He sounded tired, but good. It’s always good to hear J’s voice. He was able to tell me what the next few days would look like, give me his new international phone number, and tell me the time difference between here and there. He was getting ready to go to bed, which he sounded like he needed desperately.

I love that I have even this little bit of information about his daily routine. As I go to bed, he’ll be getting up. I can imagine him in his work day. I can expect that during my lunch hour each day, he’ll be preparing for bed. That’s likely when he’ll call. I love thinking about this.

When people send loved ones Over There, their daily routines change. This is the one and only time that I am thankful that J and I don’t live in the same place- that we aren’t married yet, and do not have children. We have both lived fairly routine and totally independent lives for a long time before meeting, and because of our long distance relationship, our interactions don’t always get to be daily. I have awe and respect for families who have members deploy- where once two parents were there to take the kids to soccer practice or help with the laundry, suddenly there is but one . Their daily routines don’t just get switched around a little bit, they get turned on their heads. Two parents become one, and kids have to grow up suddenly. I never thought I would be thankful for not seeing J each day, but right now, thinking about a daily life void like that of married folks is a little more than I’m willing to wrap my head around.

For me…well, my routine will be changing a bit too, but nothing as extreme as the traditional Army family. I’m going to bed a bit earlier (true confessions. Not unlike a 7th grader, I was in bed at 9p.m. last night). I’m staying at work just a bit longer than normal (no reason to rush home just yet). And I’m making a mad dash for the gym after work, and staying there JUST a bit longer than I normally would have. My routine changes merely combine a bit of avoidance, a dash of what I’m calling solidarity, and just a titch of girlish vanity all wrapped up in one.

An aside: In the five years since I have begun and ended the graduate school process I have gained a sizable (pun intended) amount of weight. Alas, gaining those three little letters after my name evidently comes with gaining 50-ish pounds (wow that’s embarrassing to actually write).

And so, since I know that J is on the Deployment Diet (last time he came home he looked a lot like an anorexic Rambo- buff as hell in the arms with a concave stomach and a mostly exposed ribcage) I have decided that in a stunning move of solidarity (I’m gonna do what HE’S doing!) the year he is gone I will participate in my own Deployment Diet. (Because clearly an extra 20 minutes at the gym is very similar to a one year desert deployment). I’m shooting to lose one pound a week, which I think is reasonable. Taking off the grad school weight is a good thing. Exercising to keep my mind busy (and frankly to keep me out of the house a couple extra hours each day so that I don’t think about the fact that I’m not sitting at home chatting with J) is a great thing. And most importantly, let us not forget that I’ve got a wedding dress to fit into!

And so, though it seems painfully similar to a bad Bridget Jones Diary rip off, I’ll be keeping track of weight loss and wedding plans here on this blog as well. Not just J stories and Army wife epiphanies, but rather, what the year here without him looks like for me. For me and my new routines.