Ethos

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How about we start talking about the diet again after the first of the year?
About 9 months until the wedding

Ethos: from the Greek, originally meaning "accustomed place"; "custom, habit"; the equivalent to the Latin word “mores” meaning “a society's particular norms or values.” Ethos serves as the root of the word that has come to mean “ethics” to us today. (And in this writing, I especially think of it in terms of a work ethic.)

In the world of rhetoric, ethos is one of the pieces of a persuasive argument, an important part as you work towards persuading an audience to believe that you have credibility. Your goal as the speaker is to come across with wisdom, virtue, and goodwill while simultaneously convincing the crowd you have no particular angle of your own or ulterior motive. You must earn credibility by being wise and impartial. And ultimately it is the audience who decides if you have achieved that: Whether or not you are, in the estimation of their society’s norms, ethical…one of them.

When people ask me about my new job, it is both of these ideas of ethos that automatically pop into my head: both the work ethic of my new place, and whether or not I have yet persuaded my co-workers to accept me as ethical. Inevitably, when people say “how is your new job different from your old one?”, the answer is quite simply ethos.

At my former job I came and went as I felt necessary. I got my work done. I kept my appointments and office hours. I was available and hardworking. I answered all phone calls and emails in less than 24 hours. But I did not, in any way, punch a clock. I didn’t have to log vacation days or sick days. I dressed as I pleased. And I didn’t have anyone checking up on me about whether or not I got my work done. I was trusted to get it done, and I did so. And if I wanted to engage in a conversation with a co-worker, I felt very comfortable doing so.

At my new job, this is not the ethos. I am into the office each day at 8:30. And people care whether or not I am. I don’t really take a lunch. I work each day until 5:30. I do not leave early. I wear a suit about 3 days of the week. I am in a big professional city with a big professional job and job title and the expectation is that of a big professional me. The ethos, the values and norms and habits, are quite different. No checking facebook on the lunch hour or carrying on casual conversations during work hours. No cranking the Pandora when I need a pick-me-up. No working with your door shut. I am open and available and at the beck and call of my boss and coworkers at all times. And my work is very transparent. (Thank goodness that so far, my co-workers seem like seriously cool people that I very much dig and would choose to be friends with on the outside should the situation present itself.)

Now, I’m here to say that I’m not trying to assign a value judgment one way or the other. At my old job, I begged to be treated as professional—to be taken seriously and respected. I longed for more of a schedule and a routine and responsibility. I was often treated like a kid. At my new job (what I am affectionately referring to as my “grown up” job) I am taken seriously. I think I’m respected. But so far, I’m sure that the only reason that this is the case is because I show up each day at 8:30, I punch the preverbal clock, and I sit for my 9 hours doing the tasks that are put in front of me reliably and without complaint.

I can’t even begin to tell you what an adjustment this has been for me.

Changing all the habits of your work life on a dime—quitting one job on a Friday and starting one that is the polar opposite of that on a Monday, is not an easy task. It’s been a pretty intense first month of complete routine upheaval. I get up at 6:00 a.m. and am out the door by 7:45 and to work by 8:30. I work until 5:30 and then take public transportation home through rush hour traffic. I get home at 6:30 (on the nights that I don’t go straight to the gym after work or the one night of each week when I have to work until 8:30 p.m.) I eat dinner, and suddenly it is 8:00p.m. I watch one hour of tv and am sound asleep by 9:00 p.m. (Wonder why I haven’t been blogging recently? I honestly fall asleep each night before I get the chance to write. Not a particularly exciting life I’m living here right now.)

And so my work ethic is changing. And that is good and necessary. But it is an adjustment. And it is a slow process.

More importantly, I find myself each day trying to work through the other part of ethos: convincing my co-workers that I’m the real deal—that they can and should trust me-- that I’m one of them. I’m used to working in organizations and with individuals who are very open and honest about how they feel, willing and able to hug-it-out if there is a problem.

This is not my current situation.

I know it will take time to earn the trust of new coworkers. I know that I need to have some more major work successes before the team realizes that I’m worth what they’re paying me. I’m trying to strike the balance between working toward this happening, and trying not to try too hard. I’m sure it will come. I just have to give it a little bit of time.

I had a bit of a breakthrough in this respect on Friday.

The first major event that I had been given sole possession of in the office came off without a hitch. It was a great success and the people I was working with thanked me for my hard work. And I felt really good about it. My boss took notice. Finally, proof that my work ethic was there. I’m learning the new ethos. And I think I’m finally starting to earn a little credibility.

I was talking about how good this made me feel with the man that works in the office next to mine: my co-director, the person who I will be spending most of my professional time with for the foreseeable future. Every time we interact I feel just a little awkward, completely unable to get a read on whether or not he likes me, hates me, trusts me, thinks I have way too many annoying questions, or just simply wishes I would go away. He’s a very nice guy, and every time we get a chance to talk about non-work stuff, I always think to myself that we would probably be friends outside of work, if we were ever outside of work. We are never outside of work.

One of the first conversations he and I had when I started revealed that we lived in the same neighborhood here in the city.

On Friday as I was leaving he stopped me “Did you drive or bus today?” “I drove.” “Any chance I could catch a ride home?” “Sure.”

This big office head-honcho didn’t laugh at the 1998 p.o.s. that I drive. He liked my alternative rock that was blasting when he got in the car. We had a good non-work conversation. He showed me some great short-cuts to get me home from work even faster. When we got to his place (which is literally like 4 blocks from me) he asked me to come in and meet his wife and daughter. It was like we had finally gone down the path to being friends. His wife was lovely. His 6 week old daughter, gorgeous.

When I left to drive home to my place on Friday afternoon, it was the first time since I moved here that I felt truly satisfied with my job. I had done good work. I had made a friend. I had started to win the trust of my co-workers. After what has felt like a long transition period, I’m finally becoming one of them.

Slowly, I’m settling in to my new habits of my big-kid job. And I’m happy to say, that I’m starting to feel like I fit. Whether or not my co-workers agree remains to be seen. But I’m going to continue to put forth the best of my wisdom, virtue, and goodwill in the hopes that eventually I persuade them to believe in me like I’m starting to believe in myself.