Smile

As I am sure is the case with most people in the world, my morning consists of a routine. Get up, do yoga, drink some coffee (that is already ready for me because I put it on a timer the night before. Win.) And then while I eat my breakfast and watch the weather, I check my various emails. Personal e-mail. Check. Work email so that I know what to be ready for when I get into the office. Check. And then I move on to the ol’ Facebook account. I do the rounds of my 7-10 best friends to see that they are ok…what they are up to… (stalking possibly?) And then I basically go to the news feed and randomly read who shows up that day as being recently active.

This morning, a friend of mine had a post which asked “What song makes you happy every single time you hear it?” This started me reeling. Music is (as you have likely witnessed through this blog) my driving force. It’s what I’m about as much as anything else. My list of songs that instantly made me happy started spinning out of control. I thought of about thirty right off the bat. And then in turn, they stuck in my head (which is an extraordinarily weird montage, by the way.)

I walked into work today singing, smiling, bopping along. One of my co-workers said “You’re in a good mood today!” Somehow or other this made me stop short. I think I’ve been in a bad mood for about three months now.

Not long ago I read back through this whole blog, start to finish. I have to say, it’s interesting to log how I’ve changed over this time. Sure, this has been a hard year. Not just because J is gone (mostly because J is gone) but because of work stress and life stress and money stress: the same stuff that everyone on the planet has to deal with. But I feel like *because* of the whole J thing, I’ve sorta been given a pass to be kinda bitchy. “Well, it’s understandable given her situation.”

This isn’t really acceptable to me. Because the one thing I have zero tolerance for, above anything else on the planet, is excuses. Own the situation, and deal with it. Don’t try to write it off to something else. Take responsibility for whatever you’ve done, and fix it. And so in that spirit, today I say…hey, I’ve been really grumpy these past couple of months. My bad. Now it’s time to fix it.

I feel like I’m somehow less than I’d like to be right now. I’m not the girl who gets angry. Or stressed. Or worried. Not usually. Honestly (and you’d never know it from the crazy that this blog has sort of highlighted) I’m one of the more even-keeled people I know. Very laid back, and often laughing at completely inappropriate times, because laughing (and cracking the inappropriate joke)is kinda what I do. But it sure hasn’t seemed that way.

There are myriad clichés about positivity. “It takes fewer muscles to smile than frown.” Or “We determine our attitude.” Or, well, there are many and I’m sure you get the picture. But today, starting my day off singing, smiling and in a great mood, sorta changed my outlook on the day (I know, I know…you’re all sitting there saying “Um, no kidding dummy. Having a good attitude is your choice and it affects your whole world. Duh.”)

And so maybe it’s because I see J soo soon (P.S. Because of that, I will NOT be posting here for the upcoming two weeks that we are together. I’m sure I’ll have plenty to say when his leave is over, but between now and then, take comfort in knowing that I’m not thinking about writing.) Or maybe it’s because it’s fall (or because the season premiere of “Glee” is tonight?) Or maybe it’s really only about the fact that I woke up this morning singing my favorite songs. But I’m feeling really happy today, and I can tell it’s a marked difference from usual. I need to remember that there are tons of simple things that make me smile every day, regardless of where J is or what other crap is going on in life. So if you will indulge me, in an attempt for a little public attitude adjustment the following (in no particular order) are 40 things that make me very happy:

Fall
Strong, hot coffee
Watching my best friends’ children grow up
Teaching
Ben Folds
My Monday night phone date with my best friend from childhood
Talking to my father
Jazz
Really good red wine paired with really good dark chocolate
Billy Collins
College football
Truly bad puns
Summer camp
Strawberry jam (sorry Al)
Water in all its forms (rivers, lakes, oceans)
Ben Folds
Laughing so hard you snort
Sweatshirts straight from the dryer
S’mores
Pandora
The West Wing
Show choir and the songs cheesily arranged for show choir performance
(In that vein) Glee!
Singing in the shower
Ultra-super thin crust margarita pizza
Sleeping with the windows open
Hand-written letters
Surprises
Penguins
Visiting old friends
Stationery and all manner of paper product
Finding old photographs
A good mix-tape from a friend
Daydreaming
Birthdays
Holding hands
Tulips
Road trips
My friends and all their successes
My relationship with J


So I felt like I should end this post with one of the songs that makes me happy from this morning’s little exercise. But there are soo many that I couldn’t even decide how to wrap it up. And so, instead I offer you the following, which is a combination of several of my above loves (#22 and #23 specifically.) And even though this song has traditionally seemed sad to me (um, because I guess it is actually a sad song…) it sorta sums up what I hope my new attitude will be and the theme for my day and the many days to come. And until I see you all again friends (TWO and a half WHOLE WEEKS FROM NOW!!), take some time each day to think about the things that make you happy and smile. I know that’s what I’ll be doing.

Cast of Glee sings "Smile"