42 weeks left
3 pounds gained
(oops- but let’s be honest, I’m surprised it’s not more. Since last I wrote…I have attended an engagement party, two birthday parties, a wedding and a day at the amusement park. These will add three pounds to any gal. I gave myself permission for reckless dietary abandon to include chocolate dipped strawberries, two different kinds of ice cream, three different kinds of cake at several catered affairs, amusement park “meals” and more champagne and wine than I care to comment on at this point. So, yeah, Note to self- complete dietary debauchery, totally worth it…and will cause me to gain 3 pounds in a 4 day time span. Got it. Back on the wagon.)
19 pounds total
15 months (almost exactly!) until the wedding
The thing that makes J the most uncomfortable in all the world is when people thank him for his service in the military. Not that he doesn’t appreciate it—he definitely, truly does. He just never really knows what to say…how to respond. And ever humble, I think he has a hard time with people who think he’s in any way special. He considers his service his duty and his occupation-- a job like anyone else’s; it’s just what he does all day. “Do other people get stopped in the airport to be told thanks for being a teacher or a doctor?” (He asks this with complete seriousness, like that the jobs are truly comparable.)
I also believe that he thinks about his job in the Army in comparison to those who have come before him, the intrepid soldiers of WWI and WWII and
This is the first year that I have been intimately involved enough with J to have people begin to recognize J by proxy of me on Memorial Day. And I have to be honest, I was a little taken aback (and maybe a little off-put?) by all the thank yous and blessings. Not because I didn’t appreciate it (I so, so did!) but because, much like J, I just didn’t know how to respond. My first issue? In my mind, people were confounding Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day. Veteran’s Day is a day in which we acknowledge all the men and woman who have served or are serving our nation in the Armed Forces. This is a day I can get behind. Here, Here! And thank you. I got my share of “thanks” last November (though for what I cannot truly say, as I do not personally fall into the category of having served/ are serving.) I’ve come to accept and understand (and possibly even appreciate) the well wishes on Veteran’s Day, though. Because, for better or worse, I am marrying a veteran and there are challenges in that.
But Memorial Day has always been, to me, the day we reserve to acknowledge our fallen soldiers (or heroes of any kind, really. For example, I take time out on Memorial Day to remember Mom.) It is the day to honor those who have served well, lived nobly, and passed on, especially if their passing was due to their service.
I did not expect to be thought about or thanked on Memorial Day. Frankly, I did not, in fact, enjoy being associated with Memorial Day at all, as I spend every single day hoping and praying that (at least in the definition I have cobbled together in my noggin) Memorial Day does not apply to me.
This year, for the first year maybe ever, I spent Memorial Day quietly, somberly. No beaches or barbeques; no picnics or parades. Just the very sudden realization that someday, Memorial Day might be a day on which I too was remembered and thanked. And that, my friends, was a scary, scary realization.
I never really think about marrying into the military as being the sacrifice that everyone thanks me for making. I can’t help that the man I have fallen in love with has a passion for service (interestingly enough, I share that passion…just in a different venue.) And when people ask me about how nice it would be for he and I to be in the same place... what it might be like if he was never in the military at all, I just shake my head and smile and say no thank you. If he wasn’t in the military, we wouldn’t be together. Beyond just the logistics of our paths never having crossed otherwise, his military service has made him the man he is today, the man I love (not just *his* military service, but indeed the service of his grandfather and father and brother. They are a family who lives honorably, serves proudly, and instills in themselves and all of those around them the value of what it means to live a good and selfless life.) Just like everyone else in the world, J is a byproduct of his experiences and upbringing. And I wouldn’t change a thing about that, even if it made our todays easier.
I guess in that same way that J gets uncomfortable with the thank yous I do too. I’m not doing anything special. I’m just trying to support my fiancée, live an honorable life, be good to the ones that I love and do what I know in my heart to be right. And I think that anybody brave enough to try and live that way deserves thanks, not just those of us married to the military.
I always tell J when he gets flustered by the thank yous to just smile and say “you’re welcome, that means a lot.” Because it does mean a lot. Sometimes, when people have been touched by someone in the Service or have lost someone in uniform, saying thanks to someone they see in an airport or a restaurant is the only way to get the emotion out; that they are really saying so much more than just a thanks. I think I need to take my own advice in this regard. When people say to me “thanks for your sacrifices” what they are likely really saying is “We’re thinking of you both. We’re praying for you both. And we love you.”
And friends, I will take all of *those* thanks I can get my hands on.
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