All Inclusive

39 weeks left
14 weeks done
(?) pounds gained (let’s be honest. It’s gotta be gained, not lost. I’m on vacation. No scale, but I’m laying on a beach sipping umbrella drinks. So. Yeah. See “Lame Excuse Post” for further details.)
15(ish) months until the wedding

In a post many weeks back I mentioned that J and I were not getting married in the towns in which either of us currently resides. I have only a very small number of friends and family members still living where I grew up. And I grew up in a cornfield in the middle of nowhere (NO-WHERE) making it difficult for travel to said cornfield (As illustration: Airports? The closest good one is about 2 ½ hours from where Dad lives. Further illustration: there are two stoplights in my county. ) Because most of J’s and my friends either live on the East Coast in the greater DC/ Baltimore/ Philly/ NYC area or are in the military and will need to fly in from God-knows-where, and because the aforementioned places actually have large airports and more than one hotel, and because 90% of J’s (enormous) family currently resides in this general area also, it just makes sense that this is where we get hitched.

The complication, of course, is coordinating an event in a city that I know very little about, and in which I don’t currently reside. So, there’s no running across town for a quick…(flower check/ cake testing/ limo rental/ deejay screening) meeting. ( I call it “Leap of Faith” wedding planning. Other people talk about getting married as “taking the plunge.” That’s what I call committing to a reception venue.)

Because of this situation, J and I are leaning very heavily on our family in the area and the reception venue we have chosen, which is TA-DA! an all-inclusive venue. I write them a check, and they supply the room, the open bar, the hotel, the decorations, the catering, all the china/ flatware, the bar/ waiter services and the cake. (whew!) I just have to find a florist and a deejay and the wedding reception is complete (except for the wedding industrial complex purchases like…monogrammed…um…everything? Which, let’s be honest, I’ll probably be pulling the ol’ skipper on that stuff. Unless you are all very interested in receiving small boxes of Jordan almonds with monogrammed stickers and ribbons in matching wedding colors…then…maybe I’ll…ha! Nope, can’t even say that with a straight face. No bubbles either.)

So, to say that the words “all inclusive” have been my saving grace for phase one (oh yes, there will be phases) of this planning period, is a gross understatement. I’m clearly counting on the fact that I will be working with local others that know what they are doing, have thought of things that I can’t even dream of, and will be providing me support as I go forward. (Aside…J and I are actually looking at all-inclusive honeymoons as well. I’m not sure if this means we’re really smart or really lazy. Or merely gluttons for all-you-can-eat food and drink. Probably a little from Column A, a little from Column B, and quite a bit from Column C. )

As I have mentioned, last weekend I was in the wedding of two of my best friends. Saying that it was a magical wedding to me is not hyperbole. All I could think of the whole weekend was “this wedding is so them.” Down to the very last detail, the wedding was them. The flowers. The music. The food. The cake. The vows. There was so much laughter. There were so many photographs of silliness. There was so much completely evident love. This was just the kind of party that they would throw. I couldn’t stop smiling the entire time. The perfect reflection of the relationship of two of my very favorite people.

But one of the best parts of this wedding were the friends who were there. C and D met in grad school (in that very same first grad school class in our very first year of grad school where J and I met as well.) I was (or would like to believe at least) instrumental in the two of them getting together (D was a big chicken in the beginning. In a very big sisterly way I told him to get off his backside and ask her out already.) And as the relationship had its ups and downs, I was usually the person on the other end of the phone for C, because I knew them both well, saw the love they had for one another, and could talk C down when she was ready to knock D upside the head.

C and D were the ones that J confessed his “like” of me to, far before I had put it together that he was interested. C was certainly my closet confidant at the time J and I got together, and his biggest advocate when I was trying to figure out if this was all really happening. (I believe her words went something like this: “Stop being an idiot and date him now.”) And C was definitely one of the first people to know I was getting engaged and to see my ring (weeks before me, for sure.) The four of us have done international travel together, and spent some of my favorite times from the last 5 years together. So yeah, we’re close. All four of us are close.

But coming to the wedding, and seeing the enormous wedding parties of both sides, I realized something more. That kind of closeness that J and I have with them, they have with all of their friends. I stood there in a room of close to 50 of their best friends from high school, college and grad school (by the way, who still has close friends from high school? Hell, who has 50 close friends ever? This is what I’m talking about.) and I realized that I knew everybody, *all* of them, well before that evening. I knew who they were. I knew how they knew the happy couple. I knew their life stories and what they were about and what they did and where they were from. And they knew the same about me. I was greeted with familiar hugs by even folks I had maybe only met one time before. D and C have always done such a remarkable job of introducing all their friends to each other, acting like we all had been the best of friends forever. And somehow, that kinda makes you feel like you have been.

With C and D, you never feel out of place. If you are their friend, you are a member of their family. And that means that you are also friends with their other family members. And it’s the best feeling. Like we’re all in it together (another illustration and interesting side note…D’s best friend from college and C’s best friend from college are now engaged to be married, having met through D and C at one of many of their “family” weekend get-togethers.) And seriously, if an outsider walked into the room, they’d think we had all, all 50 of us, been best friends for years. It’s the strangest and best thing ever.

One of D’s best friends from high school brought with him a new girlfriend to the wedding- a girl that none of the rest of the “family” had met before (she was awesome, by the way.) About halfway through the evening, she came up to me and said the following:

I was so nervous coming here this weekend and hearing all about all these amazing people that my boyfriend loves so much and holds in such high regard. But I have never met a more inclusive group of people in my life. Everyone is so nice and has gone out of their way to include me- to make me feel a part of the gang. Like I’ve always been a part of the group. As an outsider, it’s really nice.

I think my response was merely “welcome to the family.”

It was in those moments that the words “all inclusive wedding” took on a whole new and way more important meaning for me. It has become important to me that I plan an all-inclusive wedding. A wedding in which everyone feels a part of the “family.” Where all are co-mingling, enjoying themselves, and enjoying each other. A wedding that people can walk away from later and say, wow, I just had a good time with great people.

I know what many of you will say…the wedding day is about me and J, and if we spend time trying to include everyone else…pleasing everyone else…that we’ll make ourselves crazy. And I get that. And I agree. But what I can do as I start to approach wedding planning questions like “what is your wedding theme?” and “what do you want your wedding to feel like?” (yes, sadly, these are real questions that I’ve been asked. Gulp.) is to work hard at creating an atmosphere where people feel relaxed and happy, a friendly place where our guests feel they can be themselves. Like a family reunion. (Or possibly a fraternity party.) And I think that’s really the definition of an “all inclusive” wedding that I want to keep in the forefront of my mind as I go forward.