I have a dear friend who is publishing her first book in the coming weeks (yes, that’s right. She’s amazing. When the time comes, I shall thrust it upon you all accordingly, because you need to read it, stat.) I was lucky enough to get an advanced copy yesterday. It’s a book about fitness and strength and committing to your health and wellness. But what it *really* is about is having the courage and strength to get your headspace sufficiently in order so you can actually commit to health and fitness in a meaningful way. When the brain is on board, the body follows. First one, then the other.
This all makes a great deal of sense to me.
She makes many salient points (with enough 11-year old boy humor and dad-puns to make you giggle while reading it) but one concept truly stood out to me as I was reading last night.
She says that there is a tremendous difference between being ALL-IN on something, and with being Always In.
I can’t stop thinking about this concept, and how it affects every aspect of human life, especially for me right now in lo these Covid Times.
Being ALL-IN on something, she writes, is an absolute. You either are or you aren’t. Give it 100% all the time or go home.
That.is.a.lot to put on another person or to put upon ourselves. It isn’t fair. It isn’t sustainable. And it sets all parties up for failure from the get-go.
Because no human, who is pulled in a thousand different directions all the time can be ALL-IN everywhere, to everyone, all the time. Hell, it’s virtually impossible to do that for any ONE aspect of your life, let alone all the disparate entities begging for your attention. It’s physically, mentally, emotionally, and physiologically impossible.
So why would we put that on ourselves or on others? One can’t be 110% partner…and daughter…and sister….and mom…and employee…and boss…and best friend…and…and…and.
Can’t do it. That’s not real.
Annnnnd then of course the evitable falling short makes you feel like a garbage human.
And on, and on, and on, forever and ever (amen.)
I’m exhausted thinking about it, to be honest.
But…
What if instead, our mindset is one of Always In instead?
If you’re Always In, then you’re simply committing to always being there. And ready to go back at it after a stumble (or a breath.) Being Always In holds you accountable to starting fresh each day. You have committed to presence and to forward motion, no matter what that looks like. Despite and perhaps because of our humanity.
This mindset allows for some mistakes. A few flaws. A dropped ball once in a while. There are ebbs and flows; times you’re hard in the paint and times you have to take a bit of a break for your own reality and to show yourself some grace.
What if we all decided that that was ok? (Because life.)
I have a very dear friend who is in the grueling process of starting her own business. And she is currently in.the.weeds with it. So many daily little moves to get where she wants to go. And I know it’s frustrating the hell out of her right now because she feels like given all the things (Thanks COVID) she can’t be 110% dedicated to it. She’s not ALL-IN. She wants to be. But she isn’t. And when she stops to think about how disappointing that is to her, it makes her want be ALL-OUT instead. Because it’s all or nothing, right?
But she is one human person with multiple responsibilities trying to do extraordinary things.
For those of us not quite as close to it, we are able to step back, and look at her work from 30,000 feet. You can see the path she’s forging. You can see where she’s started and how far she’s come. She’s Always In, even if it doesn’t look exactly like what she thought it might at this point in the game.
What a monumental thing to be proud of.
I feel like I need to remind her that you can be Always In without having to be ALL-IN; that it doesn’t have to be an in or out…that it can instead look like simply being steadily present and constantly moving forward even if that sometimes feels achingly small.
I think about this concept in my relationships, too. There are times that I wish I could be ALL-IN; be the ultimate supreme best version of myself all the time for all the people. But it occurs to me that my best, most long-lasting and deepest relationships are the ones I have cultivated with those who recognize my desire to be All-IN is there, but that the ability to do so is not always. Those who trust that I’m Always In, even if it’s behind the scenes at times: those are my people.
I feel like in this time of, well, supreme shittiness, it would do us all well to extend to ourselves and others some grace around our capacity. Let’s acknowledge our progress forward, no matter how small, and celebrate our presence, even if subtle. Let’s be grateful for the people and places upon whom we can rely to be Always In. Let’s recommit ourselves to being there and trying again the next day and the next. It’s a tremendous gift, that knowledge and these relationships and the momentum that comes from small daily victories.
And hopefully, this understanding can buoy us all in a time that might otherwise lend itself to the All-Out mindset instead.
This all makes a great deal of sense to me.
She makes many salient points (with enough 11-year old boy humor and dad-puns to make you giggle while reading it) but one concept truly stood out to me as I was reading last night.
She says that there is a tremendous difference between being ALL-IN on something, and with being Always In.
I can’t stop thinking about this concept, and how it affects every aspect of human life, especially for me right now in lo these Covid Times.
Being ALL-IN on something, she writes, is an absolute. You either are or you aren’t. Give it 100% all the time or go home.
That.is.a.lot to put on another person or to put upon ourselves. It isn’t fair. It isn’t sustainable. And it sets all parties up for failure from the get-go.
Because no human, who is pulled in a thousand different directions all the time can be ALL-IN everywhere, to everyone, all the time. Hell, it’s virtually impossible to do that for any ONE aspect of your life, let alone all the disparate entities begging for your attention. It’s physically, mentally, emotionally, and physiologically impossible.
So why would we put that on ourselves or on others? One can’t be 110% partner…and daughter…and sister….and mom…and employee…and boss…and best friend…and…and…and.
Can’t do it. That’s not real.
Annnnnd then of course the evitable falling short makes you feel like a garbage human.
And on, and on, and on, forever and ever (amen.)
I’m exhausted thinking about it, to be honest.
But…
What if instead, our mindset is one of Always In instead?
If you’re Always In, then you’re simply committing to always being there. And ready to go back at it after a stumble (or a breath.) Being Always In holds you accountable to starting fresh each day. You have committed to presence and to forward motion, no matter what that looks like. Despite and perhaps because of our humanity.
This mindset allows for some mistakes. A few flaws. A dropped ball once in a while. There are ebbs and flows; times you’re hard in the paint and times you have to take a bit of a break for your own reality and to show yourself some grace.
What if we all decided that that was ok? (Because life.)
I have a very dear friend who is in the grueling process of starting her own business. And she is currently in.the.weeds with it. So many daily little moves to get where she wants to go. And I know it’s frustrating the hell out of her right now because she feels like given all the things (Thanks COVID) she can’t be 110% dedicated to it. She’s not ALL-IN. She wants to be. But she isn’t. And when she stops to think about how disappointing that is to her, it makes her want be ALL-OUT instead. Because it’s all or nothing, right?
But she is one human person with multiple responsibilities trying to do extraordinary things.
For those of us not quite as close to it, we are able to step back, and look at her work from 30,000 feet. You can see the path she’s forging. You can see where she’s started and how far she’s come. She’s Always In, even if it doesn’t look exactly like what she thought it might at this point in the game.
What a monumental thing to be proud of.
I feel like I need to remind her that you can be Always In without having to be ALL-IN; that it doesn’t have to be an in or out…that it can instead look like simply being steadily present and constantly moving forward even if that sometimes feels achingly small.
I think about this concept in my relationships, too. There are times that I wish I could be ALL-IN; be the ultimate supreme best version of myself all the time for all the people. But it occurs to me that my best, most long-lasting and deepest relationships are the ones I have cultivated with those who recognize my desire to be All-IN is there, but that the ability to do so is not always. Those who trust that I’m Always In, even if it’s behind the scenes at times: those are my people.
I feel like in this time of, well, supreme shittiness, it would do us all well to extend to ourselves and others some grace around our capacity. Let’s acknowledge our progress forward, no matter how small, and celebrate our presence, even if subtle. Let’s be grateful for the people and places upon whom we can rely to be Always In. Let’s recommit ourselves to being there and trying again the next day and the next. It’s a tremendous gift, that knowledge and these relationships and the momentum that comes from small daily victories.
And hopefully, this understanding can buoy us all in a time that might otherwise lend itself to the All-Out mindset instead.
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