When I met J, he was well into his time in the military, but still, overall pretty young in his service. I’m not really sure why I never thought to ask what he *did* in the Army, but it just never really seemed to come up. We met in a graduate program of leadership, so I guess my assumption was that he, you know, lead people. In the Army. While he did his job…of being in the Army.
For all intents and purposes, I came from a Quaker family (we belonged to a non-denominational church whose practices mirror very very closely those of the Quakers.) And because of this pacifist background, all things military were exceedingly foreign to me (to be honest, they still sort of are.) I did not have friends or family who served, and so I was pretty clueless when J and I started dating what it was all about. He was this Army guy. He did Army stuff. And he was an officer, so…he led other Army guys to do Army stuff? Ok. Sounds good.
And then of course, he took on several roles in which even if I did ask what he did all day, he couldn’t really tell me. And honestly, I have no idea, given my aforementioned cluelessness re: all things military if I’d even understand the complexities, subtleties and intricacies of what he was doing if he had the ability to share every last detail. We learned early on in our marriage to speak in generalities and metaphors.
And so I just never really asked.
And I’ve kinda liked that. Our own version of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. He’s an Army guy. And a Leader. He does secret squirrel stuff and leads other people to do secret squirrel stuff. That’s all I know. That’s all I need to know. He gets up each day, he does his job, and that’s that. And truthfully, I’ve never really thought much past that.
I know some people don’t believe that I don’t know or don’t ask. But I’ve never wanted to put him in a position where he had to tell me that he couldn’t tell me something. I assume if he could, he would. And in the immortal words of Forrest Gump, that’s all I’ve got to say about that.
When you combine this with the fact that we’ve not been married for all that long…and that we’ve not been together at a lot of traditional Army posts (he’s been deployed for a good amount of the time we’ve been together and at some random, one-off assignments), what he does all day has really just never come up. And I’m fine with that.
But here we are now, at a pretty old-school post, and with him having a pretty ordinary desk job with a pretty stationary team. And for the first time in his military career, I’ve actually gotten to see him do the tiniest bit of his work. See him with his team. Meet “his people.” And get a sense of how he fits into the big picture of his organization.
And honestly, it’s kind of amazing.
He is a team leader. But you know what? He’s really good at it. I’ve met his “people.” And they like him a lot. Have great respect for him. Enjoy working for him and with him. You know how I know? They’ve told me. And I can see it when they interact with one another.
And he has a job to do. And he’s really good at it. His bosses value him and respect his work. They respect his mind and his initiative. You know how I know? They’ve told me. And I can see it when they interact with one another.
And he likes his job. He gets frustrated (just like with any person and any job) but it energizes him. He *thinks* about it (And don’t get this confused with just having his work on his mind. I mean that he makes time to take consideration for what he’s doing. Figuring out a faster, better, smarter way to do things. He looks at it critically and offers feedback and scholarly writings in his field. He wants to train others to think like this and to do their jobs better. And you know how I know he’s thinking about all this? I can see it in his eyes and hear the passion in his voice when he tells me that he's "had a good day."
I can’t believe we’ve been together as long as we have and this is the first time I’ve gotten to see what his days are about. Not what he does. But what it does to him. Not what he produces, but the effect it has on others. Not his job, but rather his work. (Yes, there is a difference.)
We were at an event last week at which I had the ability to meet and chat with several of his bosses for one of the first times. “I know he can’t really share all the things he does with you, but you should know, last week, your husband was kind of a rockstar.” I just smiled and said thank you. I think I saw J blush. (P.S. he will hate every word of this blog. We’ll see how long it stays posted…)
It’s been fun to see this other side of my husband. Before now, I’d seen him as a partner, a father, a son, a friend, and a scholar. And he’s pretty great at all those things. But his work…this was new. And unsurprisingly, he’s pretty great at this too.
What he does all day, remains a mystery to me. And that’s ok. Because the impact that his secret service has on those around him is no longer mysterious. It’s really quite wonderful to see. And I couldn’t be prouder of the man he is and the good he’s doing for us, for him, for his team, and for his country.
For all intents and purposes, I came from a Quaker family (we belonged to a non-denominational church whose practices mirror very very closely those of the Quakers.) And because of this pacifist background, all things military were exceedingly foreign to me (to be honest, they still sort of are.) I did not have friends or family who served, and so I was pretty clueless when J and I started dating what it was all about. He was this Army guy. He did Army stuff. And he was an officer, so…he led other Army guys to do Army stuff? Ok. Sounds good.
And then of course, he took on several roles in which even if I did ask what he did all day, he couldn’t really tell me. And honestly, I have no idea, given my aforementioned cluelessness re: all things military if I’d even understand the complexities, subtleties and intricacies of what he was doing if he had the ability to share every last detail. We learned early on in our marriage to speak in generalities and metaphors.
And so I just never really asked.
And I’ve kinda liked that. Our own version of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. He’s an Army guy. And a Leader. He does secret squirrel stuff and leads other people to do secret squirrel stuff. That’s all I know. That’s all I need to know. He gets up each day, he does his job, and that’s that. And truthfully, I’ve never really thought much past that.
I know some people don’t believe that I don’t know or don’t ask. But I’ve never wanted to put him in a position where he had to tell me that he couldn’t tell me something. I assume if he could, he would. And in the immortal words of Forrest Gump, that’s all I’ve got to say about that.
When you combine this with the fact that we’ve not been married for all that long…and that we’ve not been together at a lot of traditional Army posts (he’s been deployed for a good amount of the time we’ve been together and at some random, one-off assignments), what he does all day has really just never come up. And I’m fine with that.
But here we are now, at a pretty old-school post, and with him having a pretty ordinary desk job with a pretty stationary team. And for the first time in his military career, I’ve actually gotten to see him do the tiniest bit of his work. See him with his team. Meet “his people.” And get a sense of how he fits into the big picture of his organization.
And honestly, it’s kind of amazing.
He is a team leader. But you know what? He’s really good at it. I’ve met his “people.” And they like him a lot. Have great respect for him. Enjoy working for him and with him. You know how I know? They’ve told me. And I can see it when they interact with one another.
And he has a job to do. And he’s really good at it. His bosses value him and respect his work. They respect his mind and his initiative. You know how I know? They’ve told me. And I can see it when they interact with one another.
And he likes his job. He gets frustrated (just like with any person and any job) but it energizes him. He *thinks* about it (And don’t get this confused with just having his work on his mind. I mean that he makes time to take consideration for what he’s doing. Figuring out a faster, better, smarter way to do things. He looks at it critically and offers feedback and scholarly writings in his field. He wants to train others to think like this and to do their jobs better. And you know how I know he’s thinking about all this? I can see it in his eyes and hear the passion in his voice when he tells me that he's "had a good day."
I can’t believe we’ve been together as long as we have and this is the first time I’ve gotten to see what his days are about. Not what he does. But what it does to him. Not what he produces, but the effect it has on others. Not his job, but rather his work. (Yes, there is a difference.)
We were at an event last week at which I had the ability to meet and chat with several of his bosses for one of the first times. “I know he can’t really share all the things he does with you, but you should know, last week, your husband was kind of a rockstar.” I just smiled and said thank you. I think I saw J blush. (P.S. he will hate every word of this blog. We’ll see how long it stays posted…)
It’s been fun to see this other side of my husband. Before now, I’d seen him as a partner, a father, a son, a friend, and a scholar. And he’s pretty great at all those things. But his work…this was new. And unsurprisingly, he’s pretty great at this too.
What he does all day, remains a mystery to me. And that’s ok. Because the impact that his secret service has on those around him is no longer mysterious. It’s really quite wonderful to see. And I couldn’t be prouder of the man he is and the good he’s doing for us, for him, for his team, and for his country.
